wars never truly end on the battlefield
by MissingMommy
Summary: Hannah, the three years after the final battle. :: Neville/Hannah, for Po.


For Paula. Enjoy darling. Thanks to Bex, Amber, and Spider Kid for helping me out.

Hogwarts assignment 8. Muggle Media, task 3: Die Hard - write about someone who never gives up. Extra prompt: "I missed you."

Amber's Attic: The Devil - write an addict!AU

Book club: Hearth's - (word) rejected (emotion) guilt (object) scarf

Gobblestone: Purple - darkness. Accuracy - (dialogue) "How many times do I have to say it? I'm fine."; power - (object) bottle; technique - (color) olive.

* * *

Victory Day

The sun rises above the horizon, dawning a new day; a day where Voldemort's reign of terror has finally come to end with his death. In the corridor, somewhere on the way to the Great Hall, Hannah doesn't see it. She's alone in the quiet corridor, clutching Ernie's cold, lifeless body to her. He feels like a heavier burden than just the hundred and fifty pounds he weighed.

She's rocking back and forth, choking out, "I'm sorry," repeatedly. Tears blur her vision, but she doesn't dare wipe them away because that means she would have to let go. She isn't going to let go.

She doesn't know how long it's been before someone touches her shoulder.

"Hannah."

For the first time since it happened, she glances up. Susan meets her eyes. Hannah can see the worry in them before she turns away; she doesn't deserve her friend's worry.

"Come on, Hannah," Susan says, pulling at her. She manages to pull the blonde halfway up before Hannah realizes it.

She scrambles back to Ernie's body with a rough, "No!"

Her friend tugs at her again. "It's over. We won. We're all gathering in the Great Hall."

"I couldn't – I didn't – my fault," Hannah chokes thickly. The words feel like they are stuck in her mouth as she tries to explain everything that happened to the redhead.

"Whatever happened, it wasn't your fault," Susan whispers softly.

Hannah shakes her head. She repeats, "My fault. All my fault."

There's more footsteps that approach them. Her name is called again, but she's too busy looking at Ernie to recognize it. Arms wrap around her waist, pinning her arms to her body, as the owner pulls her away from Ernie.

She kicks and struggles, trying desperately to get back to him, to make sure he knows how _sorry_ she is. The owner doesn't relent their hold until they are in the Hufflepuff common room.

The arms around her loosen and Hannah collapses, sobbing. She finally notices it's Neville as he sits down next to her and pulls her into his lap. He doesn't say anything as he rubs comforting circles on her back until she exhausts herself and falls asleep.

She wakes up screaming.

* * *

VD +1

She had moved to the couch when Neville went to help with something – she hadn't asked any question; she had just let him leave – so that she could stare at the fire. Susan brings her out of her daze when she places a sleeping draught in Hannah's hand. She doesn't look at her friend as she asks, "Has anyone sent word to Justin?"

"Word of the victory has been sent out."

She shakes her head and repeats her question, as she turns to meet Susan's eyes. The redhead's face softens with understanding.

"We figured that's something better told in person," her friend says. "Get some sleep. Neville said you didn't sleep much last night."

Hannah nods, returning her gaze back to the fire. She had spent all year wishing to be back in her common room; she got her wish, she supposes, but she doesn't find the comfort she thought she would - hoped she would. Victory doesn't feel much like a victory at all.

She takes the potion and gets comfortable on the couch. She's asleep within moments.

* * *

VD +4

Hannah hasn't journeyed out of the Hufflepuff common room since Neville brought her there. All she does is eat, sleep, watch the fire.

The door swings open, bringing her attention away from the spot on the wall that she's watching. The very person she is dreading to see walks through the doorway with, "Hannah! I missed you!"

For the first time in days, her eyes well up with tears. "Justin," she says breathlessly.

He tugs her into a hug. He hasn't grown taller, but his hair is longer and a beard makes him look much older than his seventeen years. His clothes are dirty and holey but he's alive, and that makes Hannah sob into his chest.

He stays eerily still as she cries. He pulls her back to look at her when she sobs out, "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

"I know about Ernie. Susan told me," he says.

"It's all my fault," she cries, her voice thick. She bows her head. "He saved me – I couldn't – I didn't save him."

He tilts her head, forcing her to look at him. His eyes are red-rimmed and puffy. "It wasn't your fault, okay? Whatever happened, happened and I know Ernie would be glad that it saved your life."

A fresh wave of tears comes. "I should've -"

He wraps his arms around her, pulling her into a tight hug. "Not your fault," he says firmly.

He holds her until she exhausts herself and falls asleep. She screams herself awake hours later, to a darkened common room and a soothing hand on her back.

* * *

VD +18

"What did Harry want?" Hannah asks. She's busy wiping down the counter of the Leaky Cauldron when Neville comes in.

He shakes most of the excess water off the umbrella before he puts it in the holder. "They've offered me a position in the Aurors, given I pass the training."

"Are you going to take it?" She pours them both a tankard of Butterbeer and slides one towards the blonde as she takes a drink of her own.

"Yeah, I think I am," he answers as he wraps his hands around the chilly beverage. "Long before I wanted to be a Herbology teacher, I wanted to be an Auror, like my parents."

She rounds the bar and pulls him into a hug. "You'll make a great Auror. I have no doubt."

He laughs and kisses her sweetly. "Have you decided if you're going to do the Healer program?"

"I don't know," she replies. "Maybe. Probably."

He pulls her closer. "For what it's worth, I think you should do it. You'll be brilliant at it."

She smothers a smile in his chest at that. He then leads her up the stairs to her bedroom as she smiles.

She feels a wave of guilt hit her when she's lying in bed later that night that she's happy when Ernie is dead. Before any more thoughts like that can come, she takes a sleeping draught to stave off the nightmares and falls asleep easily wrapped in Neville's arms.

* * *

VD +48

"I think it would be good for you to start slowly taking over the pub," Hannah's father says. His hand rests on his wife's knee as he speaks.

Hannah sits in stunned silence when her father says this, her eyes widen in surprise. This was not what she expected when her parents set her down to talk.

Her mother's face softens as she looks at Hannah. "The pub will yours someday. We think it's best if you start learning the ropes on how to manage it."

"We're wanting to make sure you can handle this before we go on our vacation at the end of the year," her father says. "So we'll be watching over you as you work for the next couple of weeks to see."

"It's a lot of responsibility," her mother says, sweeping her blonde hair from her face. "But we both think that you will excel at this."

Hannah finally comes back to her senses. "I've been planning to become a Healer. The program starts in August. I don't want to own a pub."

Her father smiles. "That's the beauty of owning a business: you can get others to run it for you. You just have to make sure your employees are good ones."

"You'll have enough time to learn the ropes before the program starts," her mother assures her.

Hannah lays in Neville's arm that night, waiting for the potion to put her sleep, and she wonders if she could make her parents proud of her.

* * *

VD +90

July faded into August and August brings Healer training. The sun is barely above the horizon when class ends. She had felt so sick to her stomach because of nerves, that she's glad to be going home.

The Leaky Cauldron is as busy as ever when she makes her way to her bedroom to change. She can see Sue's raven locks behind the counter as she makes her way to the stairs.

She changes as quickly as she can and heads down to help Sue. The former Ravenclaw grins at her when she notices Hannah. Sue had been one of the first hires she made, and her old friend hasn't let Hannah regret it; she was quick witted and personable.

"How'd it go?" Sue asks.

Hannah gives the other girl a small smile. "It was good. It's going to be tiring, but worth it."

She nods. "You're going to be good at it. I can tell."

"That's what Neville told me," she replies.

"Well, he's right," Sue says, grinning. "Speaking of him, when does his training end?"

Hannah sighs. "November. These hours are ridiculous." Training starts long before sunrise and ends long after dusk, Mondays through Saturdays. Hannah has barely seen him in the past three months, but she knows he's determined to make it as an Auror.

"I hear the hours get a little better after they graduate," Sue assures the blonde. "But Healer hours aren't good either."

She snorts at this. "You can say that again."

(It's later that night, when Hannah is alone and just about to fall into a dreamless sleep, she smiles to herself. She may not have been able to save Ernie, but she can make a difference for someone else.)

* * *

VD +162

Neville slides into the seat across from Hannah with a container of ice cream. The day is chilly as autumn begins to fade to winter, and Neville has his red-and-gold scarf wrapped around his throat, but Hannah loves this weather.

She digs into the ice cream with a grin. Neville watches her with such fondness it makes her heart beat a little quicker.

"Merlin, I love you," he announces suddenly, red coloring his cheeks.

She pauses in the middle of licking the spoon clean when he says this. Then she grins as she pulls the spoon away. "I love you too," she says.

"You are everything I ever wanted," he says.

She ducks her head, a brush spreading across her pale cheeks. But it seems that he's not done.

"You were my light in those dark days. You kept my faith in the good and I'm so thankful for that. I don't know what I would've done without you."

She covers his hands with her own. Briefly, she hates that it took a war to bring them together. But she looks at Neville and she could never regret this with him.

"You kept us all strong and hopeful. That was all you. And I know you would've found a way to do that even without me," she says.

Neville frowns. "Maybe, maybe not. I'm still glad that I have you."

Silence falls between them again as she finishes her ice cream. Then Neville tugs her along into the Muggle world for a movie.

The entire afternoon, the memory of Ernie settles in the back of her head despite her best efforts. She wonders if there will ever be a day where she doesn't feel guilty for living while he's dead.

* * *

VD +246

Justin stomps his feet on the mat at the door of the Leaky Cauldron and shakes the snow out of his hair. He's grown a beard, which is red when his hair is dark brown, and holds himself much smaller than he is. Despite that, his smile is bright and easy.

He makes his way over to where Hannah, Neville, and Susan are huddled together.

"Now that's a face we don't see often," Susan teases.

He says, "Haha, very funny. Got a warm Butterbeer for me? I need some warmth."

Hannah slides a tankard towards him, which he takes gratefully. "We haven't seen or heard from you in ages."

He ducks a bit sheepishly. "I got a little side tracked. Every time I sat down to send an owl, new cases came through."

"What are you doing?" Neville asks. His arm is resting on the back of Hannah's seat as he looks at their friend.

"Basically protection detail for MACUSA," he says with a shrug. "Helping protecting some of the creatures in America. Just when we think we finished with one job, we get another request. It's been non-stop for weeks."

"Are you going to transfer back to England?" Hannah asks.

Justin shakes his head. "I'll come back and visit as often as I can, and you three will always be welcome to visit, but I plan on staying. I had my fill of England last year."

A frown crosses the blonde's face. She remembers the plans that Ernie and Justin had, back before the war turned for the worst, back when all of them were just innocent children, and her heart aches.

"If you ever get sick of those Americans, you'll always have a room here," she says.

Justin gives her a smile, but there's a sadness in his eyes.

The conversation turns to Susan and her job at the Ministry, and Neville and the Aurors, and Hannah and the pub. Hannah sips her warm Butterbeer and hopes that Justin could one day forgive her for taking away the plans he had for the future with Ernie.

* * *

VD +330

Hannah wakes up panting and covered in sweat. Neville looks at her with concern written in his eyes.

"Bad dream again?" he asks.

She nods as she throws the covers back to go the bathroom. When she hears Neville moving, she says, "I'm fine. Go back to sleep."

Neville makes a noise of protest but he doesn't follow her, which she's thankful for. She flips the light on and closes the door. She splashes water on her face to clean off the sweat.

She looks at herself in the mirror. The dark bags under her eyes have gotten worse in the last couple of weeks and her hair is tangled from tossing and turning. She's starting to dread sleeping now. Nightmares of Ernie plagues her dreams. She's having more and more nights where the potions aren't keeping the dreams away.

She digs the palms of her hand into her eyes until she sees stars. She knows that there's no more sleep to be had tonight so she takes a deep breath and opens the door. Neville is sound asleep, sitting against the headboard of their bed.

She situates him more comfortably before she heads downstairs with a book to wait for morning.

* * *

VD +365

Hannah makes the short trip to Bottled Glory in the early morning. She normally gets all of her sleeping draughts delivered the Leaky Cauldron. However, she makes the trip there herself because the draughts haven't been working that well for months, and completely stopped putting her to sleep last month.

"Ah, Ms Abbott, your order is almost ready to be delivered," the owner says as she enters.

"The draughts aren't working anymore," she says as she approaches the counter

The owner frowns. "What do you mean?"

She makes a frustrated sound at the back of her throat. She clarifies, "Recently, the sleeping draughts haven't been keeping me asleep."

"How often do you take them?" he asks, putting his newspaper down.

"Every night."

"Merlin's pants," he says breathlessly. He scrubs a hand across his long face. He explains, "Sleeping draughts aren't meant for nightly use. Since you've been taking them so often, your body has built up a tolerance to them."

"What does that even mean?" she demands frustrated.

"That they won't work for you anymore," he says simply.

Her eyes widen fearfully. She can't imagine how she'll survive the nightmares that plague her. "There's nothing I can do to fix this?"

He shakes his head as he picks his newspaper up. "No, I'm afraid there isn't."

She stares at the man incredulously. Then she turns on her heel and leaves.

* * *

VD +370

Hannah sits in the dark bar, a glass of Firewhiskey in her hand. The alcohol burns her throat, but she's stopped nearly choking every time she takes a sip. Her head is buzzing pleasantly and her limbs feel very loose.

She doesn't know why she didn't think of this before. There were people who had always come to the Leaky Cauldron to drown their memories in alcohol while she was growing up, but it didn't cross her mind until a gentleman tonight did the same. She takes a sip, grimacing as she swallows. Her stomach recoils at the alcohol, causing her to gag.

She twists away from the table as she pukes. Picking her wand up, she tries to vanish the mess, but her wand movements are too swishy. She's reminded of Ernie's soft corrections while teaching her to perfect the spell. She drops her wand in favor of drinking more.

She drinks and drinks until she passes out. Neville finds her the next morning with her head on the table, the glass still in her hand and the half empty bottle in arm's reach.

She pointedly ignores the look of disappointment on his face.

* * *

VD +388

Neville is getting ready for bed when Hannah stumbles into their room, her body loose and her cheeks flush. He looks up when he hears her, a frown on his face.

She grins at him as she crosses the space between them. She's craving his lips against hers. She can't remember the last time it happened, but she wants it now.

She presses her lips to his. It lasts only a brief, too brief, moment before Neville puts his hands on each of her shoulder. He uses his leverage to push her gently, but firmly, away from him.

"What are you doing?" she asks. Her words slur slightly.

"I'm not kissing you when you're drunk," he tells her.

She rolls her eyes. "I'm not drunk. I'm just tipsy," she says as she leans back in.

He still holds her arms length away. "You smell like a brewery. I'm not kissing you when you've been drinking. If you can't respect the fact that I don't want to kiss you right now, I can leave."

"Go then," she orders.

She moves out of his space and goes to her nightstand to pull out a half-empty bottle. If she can't be with Neville tonight, then she might as well drink it away.

Neville is gone by the time she takes her first sip. The alcohol dulls the ache in her chest.

* * *

VD +444

Hannah sits in the corner of her pub with a glass of Firewhiskey. It's probably too early for this - it's not even noon yet - but she has nothing better to do. The Leaky Cauldron doesn't open for another hour, and she doesn't have school anymore.

Her grades had been slipping in the past few weeks and she no longer met the requirements to continue on with her classes. She takes another drink to dull the fact she feels like a failure.

Neville comes stumbling down the stairs, rubbing at his eyes and yawning. He notices her in the corner, and a frown forms on his face. She had forgot that today is his day off.

She's not in the mood for his disappointment on top of her own. "Don't," she says as he opens his mouth.

He doesn't seem to heed the warning in her voice. "Merlin, Hannah, it's not even noon and you're drinking."

"I can do what I want," she snaps.

"You're always drunk nowadays," he points out, frustrated. "Whatever you're going through, you can talk to me about it. Please, I can help you."

She empties the rest of her glass in one gulp. She reaches for the bottle to refill her glass. "I'm doing just fine."

He shakes his head, and his frowns deepens. He, then, turns on his heel and walks away.

* * *

VD +548

"How much have you drank today?" Neville demands.

Hannah looks up from where she's trying to balance the books. The numbers are blurred together, making the task more difficult. She wants to leave it for later, but she's put it off too long as it is.

"How much?" he repeats firmly.

"None," she denies. Her head hurts too much for this argument.

He gives her a look that clearly means he doesn't believe her. "Don't lie to me, please. I can't help you if you lie to me."

She snaps the record book shut. "I don't have to sit here and listen to you accuse me of lying!" she says, storming past him towards the bedroom. She yanks the door open angrily and slams it just as hard.

In her bedside table, she pulls out a bottle of Firewhiskey and takes a long, deep drink from it. She's become accustomed to the burning sensation.

She can hear Neville's footsteps and then knocking at the door. He pleads with her to open the door, because he would never violate her privacy by opening the door himself, but she doesn't move. She drinks and drinks until the world spins and she can't remember why she's angry.

(She finds Neville sleeping against the door the next morning and the rush of guilt is immediate.)

* * *

VD +602

Hannah knows that any plans for a quiet night is out the window when she sees Susan waiting for her by her bedroom door. Susan's red hair is braided away from her face and a yellow and black scarf is wrapped around her neck.

She doesn't greet her friend as she passes and opens her bedroom door.

Susan follows her into the room. "Neville says that he can't through to you."

That makes Hannah whip around. "What?"

"You've got a drinking problem, Han. It's plain as day to see."

"I don't have a problem!" she retorts.

Susan's face hardens. "How much have you drank today? Half a bottle? A full one? Two?"

"That doesn't concern you," she replies cooly.

"For Merlin's sake, Hannah, you're not the only person to lose someone that day. And I get it; I do. But you're taking out your guilt on people that love you. You don't deserve Neville with what you're doing," Susan says.

"Leave Neville out of this," she says sharply.

The redhead shakes her head and presses on. "When's the last time you kissed him? Told him you love him? When's the last time you two acted like a couple?"

With a jolt, the blonde realizes she doesn't have an answer for that. She can't remember the last time he slept beside her. She can't remember the last time she kissed him.

Taking her silence as an answer, Susan says, "Neville loves you, Hannah. Why don't you just confide in him the memories you're trying to drown? It would be better for you than drinking."

She has no answer for her friend; she's too busy stuck in her own thoughts about Neville to come up with a response. Susan shakes her head as she leaves the room.

Hannah goes through the motions of getting ready for bed in a daze. She's asleep within moments, without the aid of alcohol.

She wakes up later that night, sweaty and panicky. She dulls the emotions with the rest of her Firewhiskey.

* * *

VD +678

"How have you been?" Megan Jones asks. The fellow Hufflepuff's raven hair is pulled away from her face, highlighting her olive eyes. She hasn't changed much since Hogwarts; her face is still thin, but her hair is almost to her waist now.

"Busy," she answers. "I didn't know owning a pub could be demanding."

Megan huffs out a bit of laughter just as Mandy Brocklehurst arrives. The former Ravenclaw takes a seat at the table with them, taking off her light jacket as she does so. "Sorry, I got caught up at work."

Mandy's hair is a lighter brown that it was during school. Hannah can tell that Mandy had grown into her self-confidence just by the way that she holds herself.

"What do you do?" Hannah asks as she pours Mandy a drink.

"I work for the Minister for Magic. The Muggle Prime Minister requested a meeting for tomorrow so I had to gather all the paperwork for Mr Shacklebolt," the brunette answers.

Hannah drinks the rest of her Firewhiskey to drown the feeling of failure and pours herself another glass.

Megan picks up the conversation with stories about the magic that she's had to cover up as an Obliviator. Mandy offers gossip from the Ministry to entertain them.

"This is why I'm glad that Wayne isn't like that," Megan says with a laugh at Mandy's tale of an affair in the Aurors' office.

Mandy wiggles her left hand at the other girl. "I heard he finally proposed. I need to see the bling."

Megan extends her hand. The ring on her hand is small, but beautiful. A brief feeling on jealousy flashes through Hannah's body, and she finishes her glass of Firewhiskey to have something else to focus on.

"I've been surprised that Neville hasn't asked you," Megan says. "Considering you two have been together longer than me and Wayne."

Hannah pours the rest of alcohol into her glass. She takes another sip, welcoming the burning sensation. She opens her mouth to speak when Mandy speaks.

"You're drinking quite a bit, don't you think? We can't even catch up to you."

The blonde snaps her mouth closed. Then she says very tightly, "I can drink however much I want."

Mandy frowns, stammering, "I wasn't – I didn't mean – it was just an observation."

"I don't have to sit here and take this," Hannah says. Her former classmates protest but she disappears up the stairs. She pulls out a bottle from her nightstand and takes a long drink from it, not bothering with a glass.

That's how Neville finds her later: a bottle in her hand, staring out the window at the busy Muggle street.

"Mandy and Megan seem to think they've upset you," he says carefully, announcing his presence.

Hannah turns away from the window to meet his eyes with her glazy ones. She takes another drink from her bottle. "They basically told me I drink too much."

Something flashes across Neville's face that she can't decipher. Then a steely resolve settles on his face. "Don't you think they may have a point?"

"Not you too!" she says, narrowing her eyes at him.

"How much have you drank today? Huh, a bottle or two? More? You have a drinking problem," he says.

"Out!" she demands, pointing towards the door. "Out! Out! Out! OUT!" Each repetition shriller than the last until she's shouting.

Neville doesn't move, not even flinching when she raises her voice. "I just want to help you, Hannah. Please."

"How many times do I have to say it? I'm fine! My only problem is that you and everyone else are assuming I have a problem!" she says firmly.

Neville scrubs a hand across his face, sighing. Then he turns on heel and leaves the room. Hannah drinks and drinks until she passes out.

* * *

VD +756

Hannah groans as her head throbs. She rolls to the side of the bed and digs out a bottle. She takes a long drink from it. Her stomach recoils from the alcohol but she knows it will settle and the pounding in her head will recede.

She lays there for a while longer before she gets out of bed. Even though she doesn't want to, she makes her way through her morning routine; getting dressed, brushing her hair, drinking more Firewhiskey, before finally going down the stairs to start her day.

The light and movement makes Hannah groan. She makes her way down the stairs without tripping. She pours herself a glass of Firewhiskey to drink before she tends to her customers.

She makes it through the night crowd even though her bottle of alcohol ran out halfway through the night. She takes another one from inventory before she deals with cleaning up. When she comes back, Justin is leaning against the counter.

He straightens when he see her. She can pinpoint the exact moment he notices the bottles of Firewhiskey in her hands; the smile that was on his face disappears, leaving a frown in its place. This doesn't bode well. She places the bottle on the bar with more force than necessary.

"What can I get you?" she asks, her voice just on this side of sickly sweet.

"Butterbeer," he replies as he takes a seat.

She pours his glass, her hands shake a bit but she's learned how not to drop bottles. She has to admit that she respects the fact that he didn't just jump into a lecture like Susan and Neville did.

He takes the tankard from her and sips it. "How are you?"

She resists the urge to roll her eyes. "You're not here to catch up. Please, just get on with it so I can have peace for the rest of the night."

She grabs a wet rag from the bin and charms it to start scrubbing the tables. Once that is started, she uses another spell to send the alcohol bottles that are all over the bar back to their spots on the wall.

"We're worried about you," he starts.

"I'm fine," she says sharply. She summons the tankards to her and then spells them to wash themselves.

He shrugs. "Look, I'm not here to judge you. I'm just here to say that I understand. I didn't take Ernie's death as well as you think."

She flinches at the name of her dead friend. His name causes flashes of his final moment to come to her mind. She turns away from Justin to pour herself a drink. She downs it and refills her tankard before she turns back to him.

"I just want you to know that if you ever need anything, I will be there. I will help you if you let me. I know that Ernie wouldn't want to see you like this on his behalf."

"We don't know what he wants anymore," she says harshly.

He must understand he crossed a line because he gets off the stool and heads for the door. He pauses, looking back to her. "Just know that you're hurting the people that care about you."

Justin disappears into the dark street, and Hannah finishes the rest of the bottle before taking another up to her room.

* * *

VD +855

Hannah wakes up to the immediate sensation of being uncomfortable which tells her that she's not in bed. The lack of a table beneath her head tells her that she's not downstairs in the Leaky Cauldron.

She opens her eyes and squints against the bright fluorescent lights with a groan.

"So you're finally awake," Neville says.

She sits up; her stomach recoils at the motion and she has the urge to puke. She frowns and blinks at the sight in front of her. But the bars don't disappear.

"What happened?" she asks.

Neville doesn't move from where he's sitting with his legs crossed, leaning against the wall across from her. The disappointment is clear as day on his face. "You got more than a little rowdy last night. The Aurors were summoned. Harry ended up arresting you."

The explanation is clear and precise. Hannah holds a hand against her head as she tries and fails to recall the night before.

"Are you ready to admit you have a problem?" he asks softly.

Hannah stiffens. "I don't have a problem."

Between one blink and the next, Neville is standing in front of the bars, his hands holding the metal until his knuckles are white. His voice is steely when he says, "You got _arrested_ for drunk and disorderly conduct. I call that a problem."

"It was a one time thing," she replies.

"For Merlin's sake, Hannah, I can't help you if you can't admit you have a problem. Please. I just want to help you."

"I don't have a problem," she insists.

Neville scrubs his face, frustrated. "You can wait the rest of the 24 hour hold here. It's too early to deal with this."

Hannah is left alone in the room. She's sick to her stomach and wishing for alcohol to take away the feeling. But there isn't enough alcohol in the world to erase the look of disappointment on Neville's face from her mind.

The wait is long and excruciating, but she finally gets released in the early hours of the next morning. The first thing she does upon returning to the Leaky Cauldron is take a long drink from the bottle of Firewhiskey.

* * *

VD +1096

"I thought she would come to terms with Ernie's death eventually," Neville whispers so softly that Hannah struggles to hear. "But I think it's getting worse."

Susan makes a noise of disagreement. "Sometimes, losing someone changes you."

"It didn't change you," he points out.

There's the sound of movement, but Hannah can't see from her perch of the stairs unless she wants to announce her presence. Finally, after a moment, her friend talks again. "I'm not Hannah. We all deal with grief differently."

"She's going to drink herself to death. And I don't want to watch that," Neville says.

"You'll leave?" Susan asks surprised.

Hannah grips the banister tightly. She can't imagine her world without Neville; he's been the one constant in her life when everything else has fallen apart. She doesn't deserve him, especially in the last two years, but she needs him.

"I don't know, maybe. I've tried. Merlin knows I've tried. I don't know how to help someone who doesn't want help," Neville says miserably. "She's not the girl I loved anymore, but that doesn't mean I want to see her drink herself to death."

She can hear the ultimatum in his voice, the ultimatum that's been on the tip of his tongue for months now, the ultimatum that she didn't think he would ever say. She stands and quietly makes her way back to her room. Without hesitation, she takes out the Firewhiskey bottles from her nightstand and pours them down the sink in the bathroom.

After that is done, she writes to Justin because she knows she can't do this alone.

* * *

Recovery +0 (VD +1101)

Hannah takes a deep breathe and then opens the door. Justin had written her back with a time and a place. The room is small, full with people, and she considers leaving for half a moment before rejecting the thought. She takes another deep breath to settle herself.

She takes a seat in the middle of the rows of seats. A woman introduces herself to the crowd, to Hannah, before asking Hannah to come to the front. Justin had warned her about this, but she decided that she wasn't going to get better by herself; she needed help if she was going to overcome this.

Hannah stands in front of a room of strangers and says, "My name is Hannah and I'm an alcoholic."


End file.
